Friday, October 16, 2009

My high beams, let me show you them.

Yesterday I got fed up with my boss's vague, incomplete, ever-changing, sometimes contradictory instructions, especially when she took to scolding me for not following a particular set of instructions she had not given.

Oh, as an unrelated side note, if Blackberries are as unreliable for sending emails as multiple Blackberry-using bosses I've had have claimed, why is anyone still using a Blackberry? And how is it that only the useful emails fall through the cracks, but the bitchy ones always seem to reach me?

Back to my story. At the height of my anger yesterday, and after having received a couple of email scoldings, I was called into my boss's office, and I was ready to tell her to shove it.

But she was all chipper and cheerful and that just made me madder, so I gave her a piece of my mind. (My job, though busy and frustrating, does not require a lot of brain power, so I could afford to lose a piece of my mind.) She responded calmly with a lot of BS, including a game of and "my problems are bigger than your problems" and "my health is worse than your health." Which is probably true, but doesn't excuse poor behavior. In fact, if it's true that her health problem causes cognitive defects, then she probably shouldn't be in charge of safety (among other things).

After that, she then semi-hesitantly told me that she needed to talk to me about a "sensitive subject." You see, apparently, allegedly, multiple male coworkers have complained that I've been flashing my high beams and it makes them uncomfortable. Ah, not literally flashing them, as in exposing them, but that my gigantic mutant nipples are visible through my clothes in our very cold office. And there was this one particular blue sweater that they wouldn't shut up about. (I do have one blue sweater that I wore once, several weeks ago.)

It would be different if we were at a party, ha-ha, the coworkers allegedly said, but this is an office.

My boss claims that she was outraged on my behalf but felt that she should tell me to cover up, in the interest of workplace decorum. (This workplace where people play obnoxious youtube videos at full volume to "entertain" the staff. Hello, some of us are actually working.)

I asked my female coworker, who also reports to this woman, what she thought of this claim. Like me, she thought it was more likely that either our boss had a personal problem with it, or she was just playing mind games with me as punishment for being uppity. Seems she made a similar comment to one of my predecessors, that her clothes made male coworkers "uncomfortable."

There have been three people with my job in the last 1.5 years, including me. (Not including the consultant, a man who worked offsite.) All three were women. She's made these comments to two out of three. Remarkable. (The other one was apparently a saint; boss won't shut up about about how great she was.)

I'm working in an extremely sexist industry, and it's true that my perkiness is sometimes visible, so my boss's claim is not entirely implausible. However, I don't think I'm unusually indiscreet, and most of the time my clothes are not only modest, but frumpy. And I actually do cover up when I'm aware of a problem. In any case, no one should be looking at my chest if it makes them uncomfortable. In fact, it's pretty rare that they can even see it, since I spend very little time away from my desk.

So I'm not upset if someone saw my twins making a point, and I'm not going to throw away the blue sweater or buy special extra-thick bras to hide my shame. But I am upset that my boss is full of shit. Which is silly, because I already knew that.

10 comments:

  1. This is some of the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever heard tell of.

    What a grade-a pathetic attempt at mind games.

    I can't imagine how it must make you feel to have to endure this sort of unprofessional and abusive work environment. It amazes me you can get any of your job done while dealing with that.

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  2. Originally, my plan was to laugh at this and blow it off.

    However, my sister wondered if my boss is trying to lay some groundwork to establish that I have a "pattern of behavior" or something.

    Of course, if I involve HR, the EEOC, or a lawyer, my boss can backpedal and say she was simply informing me of some office gossip.

    However, that might actually make her look even worse, so... so I don't know what, if anything, her agenda might have been. Maybe she had an agenda but didn't think it through, or maybe she really did think she was helping.

    On the one hand I don't want to play her little game, if that's what it is, and on the other hand I want to make sure I can defend myself if I need to.

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  3. I received some free website advice from a lawyer (a real one) to call a lawyer before I do anything else.

    Of course, that's just what a lawyer would say...

    But he also said that it was illegal for anyone at work, including my boss, to make any comment of that kind. This suggests that I am NOT at risk of being successfully accused of any wrongdoing, but I'll see if anyone else on that site weighs in during the next few days.

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  4. I should think it would be illegal.

    I'd say you're doing the right thing at this point trying to get that advice and making self-protection your primary concern. I suspect you're already documenting everything.

    I always worry there's going to be more crazy around the corner, and you don't want to be the person who gets the brunt of it. I wish I had some useful advice.

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  5. I am documenting everything in the sense that I've written down what happened and told a ton of people.

    The advice, personal and professional, that I have received so far has ranged from "dress more modestly" to "OMG take those $#@%ers to court!!!"

    I know the smarter approach is somewhere in between, but figuring out exactly where that is has been a challenge.

    To complicate matters, my boss will be out this week, so I can't ask her to clarify the intent of her statement to me last week or let her know of my concerns. But I am beginning to think that the lawyer - whether he's an ambulance-chaser or not - may be right: I should probably find out what I'm doing before I talk to my boss about this again.

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  6. I would encourage you NOT to go to human resources. HR departments exist for the best interests of the company, not the best interests of an individual employee. Unless those interests line up they are not your best option.

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  7. This is such asshattery that I wonder exactly what psychological malfunction this woman has. I'm only interested for purely clinical reasons, not because I actually care about her well being.
    Oh, when you follow up this post with an update, could you please include photos so that I can get an accurate visual? Thanks! :D

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  8. Oh Jennifer, just find a picture of Angelina Jolie and draw two dots. We're practically twins!

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  9. While I'm completely on your side on this subject, and I should know, I do have to say that as a guy, it can be extremely distracting for us. We can be walking along thinking, "I really need to talk to such-and-such about this account, and ....Oh DAMN...nipples!" Continuation of the species overwhelms everything.

    BUT, as long as your dress style is office/profession, the problem is ours to deal with. You should not have to dress Muslim/Orthodox Puritan to curtail my prurient interests.

    PS - You do not have mutant nipples!

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  10. Well, it's distracting when people play YouTube videos loudly too, yet that doesn't seem to be an issue.

    Anyway, the alleged complaint was that they were "uncomfortable," not "distracted."

    Frankly, if they can see what they say they see, then that means I'm uncomfortable too - uncomfortably cold. So maybe the jerk who keeps turning the thermostat all the way down ought to stop that.

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