Thought Poops*

*I don't want to be accused of plagiarizing George Carlin's Brain Droppings.

• Rudolph resolution

Maggie pointed out that Santa is just a typical, arbitrary, narrow-minded authority figure, and that's probably why kids take this depiction of him for granted. They are used to seeing this kind of behavior in adults. That's sad, but it also makes sense. I guess I was too hung up on Santa as an idealized character, and forgot that from a kid's point of view, it's still fun to watch the misfit triumph over the dumb, bossy grownups. Strangely enough, looking at the North Pole as a microcosm of our crazy world, and Santa Claus as The Man, actually makes the whole Rudolph thing a lot less offensive to me.

• Compassionate Romney

I am just wondering how many more things Romney can do to deepen my contempt for him. I keep thinking I've reached my limit, then he does something else.

He tells us that he was so happy when the Mormons decided to accept blacks, that he had to pull over to the side of the road and weep tears of joy. Yes, I'm sure that's totally true. I'm sure that he had been losing a lot of sleep over that. Obviously, his religion's previously codified racism didn't upset him enough to convince him that it was a crock, but still, boohoo. Mitt, are you sure you weren't weeping tears of terror?

And then he weeps at the sight of a soldier's casket. This is the same guy who felt that Huckabee should apologize for having the temerity to criticize their beloved president's deadly, expensive, failed, immoral, unpopular foreign policy.

Personally, I think Romney is weeping tears of embarrassment because Huckabee is kicking his ass. And if a guy like Huckabee can kick your ass, you should be embarrassed.

• Speaking of asses

At work, there's a pair of lips stuck to my ass. I don't know why. I don't hold a position of power. I don't have any special clout that I can exert on this person's behalf, although she seems to think I do. If I did, I doubt that that's how I would spend it; in reality, though, I'm pretty sure I can't do anything for this person. I'm not even sure if I trust her.

I know some people live for the sensation of being sucked up to. I don't. It's not the same thing as being respected. It's more like being used (or, more accurately, being prepared for future use).

• Speaking of work

Thanks to LinkedIn, my replacement at the old job has discovered my email address. It sounds as though my ex-boss is giving him the same kind of lunatic grief that he used to give me.

It also sounds as though my replacement maybe isn't very good at figuring things out, like simply looking around for info, and doesn't enjoy the challenge of searching for solutions to solve problems. This should make him a good fit for my ex-boss, who sometimes has fits of inquisitiveness himself, but doesn't like it when he has to wait for someone else to solve a mystery.

And I just now this minute realized something for the first time. Every time I said "I'm not sure about that" and my ex-boss flipped out, I always assumed that he was annoyed that I didn't simply say yes and promise to produce whatever bizarre thing he wanted. It's only just now occurring to me that he's the sort of person who would have been almost as happy to hear a firm "No, I'm sure that's not possible," rather than wait for a better-informed answer. This explains a lot that I wish I had figured out several years ago.

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Not-Entirely-Useless Spanish of the day for certain limited situations

Lynch
Yo tengo un cacahuete.** That means "I have a peanut."

McGuirk
How did we go from "What's your job" to "I have a peanut"?

Lynch
Yo tengo un puerco*** en mi nariz.

McGuirk
What does that mean?

Lynch
"I have a pig in my nose."

McGuirk
What is going on in Mexico?

(Home Movies, "Hiatus")

**Also "cacahuate." Both words are Nahuatl (Aztec). Use "maní" outside Mexico.
*** "Cerdo" is probably a better choice than "puerco," which usually refers to the meat (pork) rather than the animal.